Reasons why I like it:
* Asking pronouns can be uncomfortable, especially when you're not out and you're asked
* "They" lets the other person know that not misgendering them is important to you, so they'll feel safer telling you their actual pronouns if they prefer something else
* I actually feel better about how I look now. Calling people "he" or "she" based on how they look made me feel bad about how I appear. It solidifies in my head that there's no way I have to look or a way I have to dress to be "valid"
I know asking pronouns is a popular option, but unfortunately that would still lead me to being misgendered because I'm not out. Everyone I know would rather be called "they" than be misgendered. If someone is out someone using "they" for everyone should hopefully demonstrate that they're a safe person to tell your real pronouns to!
Personally I much prefer using "they" by default over any other options that I've seen so it would be nice if more people did it
@Some_Person i'm personally kind of not a fan of being called "they" because it reminds me of when some people i know would try and dance around both outright misgendering me but also gendering me correctly, but at the same time, i think i *much* prefer a stranger calling me "they" instead of assuming i use "she" because i look like a girl right now
@sangv yeah that makes sense! I think it's gross when people only call trans people "they" to avoid using the proper pronouns. Personally I don't try to pass so even though it would be nice to be gendered correctly, it's not gonna happen if people just guess.
Sometimes it's just not possible to know someone's real pronouns so I prefer if people didn't default to guessing. Like for example if you talk with someone about a person you don't know, like saying "hey look at their dog!" instead of "hey look at her dog!"
If you tell someone you prefer another pronoun instead, it's gross to refuse :/ I'm sorry that people try to avoid gendering you correctly. That's not ok.
@Some_Person Using gender-neutral language normalizes it too. I've been doing it for about a year, and some of the cis people I talk to have picked up my patterns.
@Some_Person Slight tangent: People ideally could, instead of asking pronouns, just introduce themselves with their own (especially if they introduce first), to make it a more comfortable thing to bring up if wanted, but can also be politely not brought up.
(Also I like the mention about how referring to ppl with gendered pronouns based on appearance can affect one's own feels about one's own appearance. Think the same might apply to me, but haven't really paid enough attention to it.)
@certifiedperson yeah, that's a good idea for people who are out. I'm just worried that if I don't say my pronouns people will assume I'm just a transphobic cis person who thinks my pronouns should be "obvious". I've seen this assumption a lot for people who don't state their pronouns and I wish there was more acceptance on not sharing your pronouns. I'd either have to misgender or out myself.
@Some_Person Ew, what a crappy assumption for people to make! I'm sorry you've experienced that, I hadn't realised people might do that.
Not ideal, but would saying "use these [wrong] pronouns for me" help you any in terms of.. you're not actually saying that those are your pronouns, that's just what you're telling people to use for you? If that makes sense? Just like. If you can think of it that way, you might feel a little less like you've misgendered yourself if someone's asked you.
@certifiedperson yeah, I still would prefer not saying the wrong pronouns but I guess that's better than saying that they *are* my pronouns.
Usually I say "use any pronouns" but I've seen people online complaining about that as well, although irl I have had positive responses.
@Some_Person Yeah, it isn't ideal of course, just thought it might be a slight improvement. I figure improvement is a good thing, even if it's still far from ideal; that's why I made the suggestion.
I think people online will complain about anything, tbh. Tho heh, I remember one time talking with a cis mum and her trans kid, and she asked him "what pronouns does [family friend] use again?"
Her: "Any pronouns, right.."
Her: *deer in headlights look*
@Some_Person It was really funny to see, just this lady mentally going "oh no I can use any pronouns what do I choose what do I choose???"
I saved her by suggesting "they" is a good default lol
@certifiedperson haha it's really weird when people ask but then think it's weird when people answer "wrong". I've even seen people online complain about how cis women aren't allowed to use "he/him" and how someone they know irl replied with that. Like idk why ask if you don't actually care. And like idk I don't even know if they were actually a cis woman or just "looked cis".
It's just strange when I see people complain about stuff like that. That was tumblr though, people are a bit more understanding here and don't police pronouns as much.
@Some_Person Ya it's ridiculous, like, there were implicit rules over who gets called "he" and "she" and now we're trying to get rid of those rules and adding in more options, and all people are doing is adjusting the rules a little!
Like heck, if cis people wanna use different pronouns, idgaf, why shouldn't they do that if they want?
@certifiedperson yeah, I agree!
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