Hey! I’ve set up a gofundme to rise money for top surgery! My quality of life is vastly hindered by my chest and I’d be so so thankful for all the help I can get. Even £1 makes all the difference. Thank you 💕
Please share! :)
Dissociation and autism
I think a big part of the reason I don't get social constructs is because I tend to dissociate a lot. Things that are really vague like specific social rules or things like gender make no sense to me once I dissociate. I don't exactly feel like I exist but that is a normal state for me. The concept of me as a person is also a construct in so many ways.
Not getting social rules and stuff like that has also been associated with autism. I likely have autism as well, so I wonder which parts of how I feel are due to that instead. Maybe autism makes me dissociate? I don't know.
It's hard to figure out the causation. I am not too bothered by it though, I feel like this is just how I am and I'm ok with it, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
This post doesn't really have a point or any answers, just my thoughts. If you have similar feelings feel free to add your thoughts to this.
Sexual assault (-), description
The more I think about it the more I realise just how many things were not actually consensual.
My ex basically gave me a list of demands (types of sexual things I have to get "ok" with), which once I fulfilled he changed to different demands.
I have thought of the things I did to fulfil those demands as consensual because I technically said yes... but I definitely wouldn't have consented if those demands weren't there. I was waiting more for a "would I be able to tolerate it?" moment rather than a "do I want to do this?" moment.
I can't imagine wanting to do something with my partner that she doesn't actively want to do and enjoys... If I found out that my partner was just tolerating something that we did, I wouldn't want to do it again.
If something like that happens to someone else, I have no trouble seeing how horrible it is, but when it comes to myself it's hard to see how I'm not just being dramatic...
Virgin shaming, sexual assault
Reminder not to shame virgins, even people you dislike! There is nothing shameful about being a virgin. Critisize their bad actions and opinions, not their lack of experience.
Shaming virgins can lead to people, especially teenagers, to be pressured to do things they are not comfortable with. It can also make someone feel bad for being sexually assaulted by their partner or someone they're "supposed" to have sex with, because it can feel like you were "supposed" to enjoy if you weren't such a prude. It makes it easier for abusers to convince someone that they owe them sex, as this can make people feel like something is wrong with not wanting sex.
No one owes anyone sex, and there is nothing shameful about not wanting sex or taking a while to get comfortable with the idea. Please take care about what you say and who it might affect.
Imagine being 12 years old. You've written your very first fanfic scene after an awesome episode of Inuyasha and then you post it for your other 12 year old friends to read and they love it! They encourage you to keep going. Hell yeah.
Now imagine here comes some entitled, judgmental prick who has decided that "critic" is a personality trait. They lift your story, your character, post it on their blog, and rip your work to shreds. They leave your blog name up and there come the hordes.
Asking for transition resources
Is there anywhere I can find transition resources/possible options from a less of a "I want to look like a cis person" perspective? Just general places I can look at, nothing specific.
I feel like I want a very "mix and match" type of thing but last time I tried asking for advice I basically got "you can't pick and choose, it's all or nothing" but I don't think that's true from the stuff my girlfriend told me about stuff she's found while she still wasn't sure about going "the whole way" approach...
Uni, negative, mental health
I'm so tired of uni tbh, theres too much of a competitive culture and not enough emphasis on actual knowledge.
Do I remember anything after an exam? No. But at the same time, I did not have time to actually learn and understand the subject because I had to waste that time memorising. I have a really bad memory so it takes me a very long time to memorise all the terms... The students that get the highest marks don't necessarily know anything, just have a good memory.
Didn't have time to come to my lab 100+ hours during the semester (did about 80 or so) and got kicked out because I'm not "motivated enough" even though I was working as much as I could without giving myself mental breakdowns...
Shouldn't we help each other instead of pushing people to the point of negatively affecting their mental health?
I probably won't go into research although I love science due to this.
I have some pretty bad sensory issues especially when stressed and a deficiency which often make me tired. I can't really "compete" and this competition is so fetishised in science despite being counter-productive!
I feel like I could've had a contribution to science if I could work in that field. Maybe I wouldn't do as many experiments as someone who is able to work 8+ hours a day, but every little bit counts! If less people were scared away or just straight out barred from research due to this demand, we could've cooperated into discovering so much together.
Although I probably have more understanding of xenophobia/racism than the average white person due to being a mixed immigrant, I'm still white passing so some of my observations might not be 100% accurate. So please listen to actual POC!!! Don't wait for a white person to tell you how to feel about racism. There are a lot of POC out there. Just listen to them for once please.
If a POC tells you that something is racist please think instead of going "no but it's not racist because-".
Growing up I was mostly friends with POC due to being in ESL (english second language) classes, and the stuff they had to go through *as children* was pretty vile. E.g. my friend getting singled out for her hair being "messy" and white boys making racist jokes at her in class :/ While I was learning English white people started being more and more accepting of me while my POC friends were still being treated like shit.
Now that I'm fluent in English white people think I'm in their "white people club" or something and expect me to agree with their racist/xenophobic bullshit. No thanks :///
If a POC has trouble trusting white people they have a right to. It doesn't matter if "some white people are ok", it's hard to tell which one might turn out to be a literal nazi until it's too late! POC should do what is most safe and comfortable for them. It doesn't matter if white people feel a bit sad about it or whatever. POC safety matters way more than white people tears.
Although I'm very white passing I now have trust issues with white people lmao
POC get treated even worse and can't just learn English to get out of it so they have even more of a right to distrust white people. If a POC wanting to have a safe space away from white people offends you maybe you should consider why.
Hint: it's probably racism
Jobs, feel free to give advice
I think what I'm going to do is graduate at the end of this year (if I don't fail any courses) or half way through next year (if I do) instead of doing honours for an extra year.
I can come back to uni and do research if I want to in the future but it would be nice to get a part time job straight away instead of having to overwork *and* not get paid much. I still live with my parents so I'm lucky enough to have some security in that regard.
I am thinking of tutoring highschool students science, maths etc. part time. I like teaching so I think it would be something I'd enjoy. One on one tutoring seems way less stressful than a whole class, and in addition to it being part time I should be able to not get too stressed.
The only problem is that I have no job-seeking skills and not really sure how to start. I have never done tutoring before and not sure which websites work and which are a scam :/
Selling art commissions
Hey I decided to try doing art commissions for the first time!
I will start simple with offering headshots shoulders up :)
You will receive:
High quality scan of the requested drawing.
Note that I will not ship the drawing.
Headshot of your character in anime style or semi realistic - I'll give you a couple of styles to chose from!
$5 USD to my PayPal account before I start drawing
PM me on info of what you want me to draw
For personal use only, not commercial use.
I will not ship the drawing, you will receive a scan
Specify time frames before paying to see if I can meet them :)
Thanks for reading!
Jobs, negative, feel free to give advice
Is there anything that can keep me alive and with an ok life that doesn't involve working away for 8 hours a day 5 days a week? I genuinely don't think I would be able to do something like that.
I plan on finishing my biomed degree but I'm not sure if I should do a phd or not. I am not sure if I will be able to get a job in research while not overworking myself. I don't know what to do.
I have many interests (art, science, growing food), I really enjoy making things.
People should work together instead of competing and hoarding wealth.
Sunbeam City is a Libertarian Socialist solarpunk instance. It is ran democratically by a cooperative of like-minded individuals.