It's aromantic spectrum awareness week!
I'll be posting aro stuff throughout the week. Shouting out aro artists, going over aro terminology, talking about amatonormativity and more.
I wanna hear your aro questions! Is there anything you wondered about? Anything your curious about? Confused about all of this? Anything else?
I'm gonna answer them!
The only limits are don't ask me about my personal sex life and ask questions out of genuine desire to learn more. Everything else is a-ok!
@EeveeEuphoria yeah!! Its the week after valentines and is a perfect excuse to talk about all things aro!
I know so little about aro people that I don't know what to ask. I'd like to learn more, though. I guess the question for me to ask is... What are some common misconceptions about being aro?
Hmm... its hard to answer. So few people have a conception of aromantic its hard to have misconceptions.
Here's a few I can think of;
That all aromantic people are also asexual.
Some aromantic people are also allosexual (not asexual), some aromantic people don't label their sexuality and identify only as aromantic.
That aromantic people who do have sex are just using people.
Just as sex isn't a prerequisite for romance, romance isn't a prerequisite for sex. Sex is just an activity some people enjoy. Some aromantic people are upfront about being aromantic with their sexual partners but, even if they aren't, consenting to sex doesn't mean consenting to romance.
That aromantics are missing something and that are lives are always going to be lacking.
Aromantics aren't lacking or deficient. We are full human beings capable of living full lives.
Well I've heard for a long time, and recently experienced it for the first time a few months ago with my roommate where alloromantic (normal) people will say something like
"You're aromantic? So you're cold and don't like love/affection/relationships/bonding?"
And that's just comical XD because the person who said that to me says "I hate sentimentality" and exclaims "ohhhh I don't want to hear about the sappy stuff! get back to the science already!"—
—when Ann Druyan was talking on the radio about when she and Carl Sagan met for the first time.
While I'm over here melting and simping on everyone and cuddling with my best friend constantly XD
(It's also funny bc I'm also more sciencey than he is, being an engineer XD and I wanted to hear about the relationship things!, even though my relationships aren't romantic :3 )
Some aromantic people don't like affection..but then that's true of some 'ros! XD
Some want (non-romantic) relationships and some don't; some want touch and others don't; some want sex and others don't!
There's a whole rainbow of possible relationships :3
And aromanticism is an axis-parallel subspace in the coordinate syste—ahem XD
It's a region of the rainbow just like alloromanticism, with plenty of inclusion of affection and love :3
@sunflower_avenue Just thought of another question. What situations in life give you grief due to you being aro?
Ok. Serious time.
(I know you probably meant this more light heartedly, but i think its worth talking about the pain in being aro)
There's often some amount of grief in finding out your aromantic and accepting it.
For me at least, there was/is a certain amount of grief in accepting i was aro. I had to give up the fantasy of romance and love. I had to accept i wasn't going to have the fairy tale story. That my life would never look like the happy ending of most movies.
I had to accept that this experience that so many people consider the most important part of their life wasn't going to be a part of mine.
It meant i had to give up what i imagined my future as.
Of course i never actually wanted any of that. But there was this theoretical side of me that might one day want those things.
There's a ton of freedom in being aro and eschewing amatonormativity but there's some grief in there as well.
@sunflower_avenue That's valid. And thank you for sharing that. I can imagine that would be hard to accept considering how hard that is pushed in every aspect of our culture.
@crasher35 The biggest misconception I’ve faced is the assumption that because I’m aro, it’s weird that I’m in a long-term relationship. I don’t need romance to feel love for someone and know I want them to be my lifelong buddy! My partner is my best friend and we work really well together, so we made it a thing. We’re both aromantic. :)
Oh, yeah, that really blows my understanding of Aro out of the water. I definitely held that misconception.
So, in trying to contextualize this, going by the 7 recognized love types (Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, and Philautia) is the feeling for your partner more like a mix of Philia and Pragma?
(Reference for love types: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love)
Do any of those resonate stronger for you than others? Or do you feel like the whole love types thing I linked to is BS?
@crasher35 Philia and Pragma definitely sound right to me, but overall I think trying to put the concept of love into 7 categories is reductive at best.
@sunflower_avenue as someone who is "outside" of romance, how would you explain what romance is? (the phrase "outside of romance" is so bad but I can't figure out how better to word it)
@gemsys I've got no idea really. To me my aromanticism is more about not understanding romance as a category and not applying it to my feelings and relationships.
I've spent a bunch of time trying to understand romance. But there really is no clear cut answer.
Tbh I've given up trying to understand and define it.
I actually really like the phrase 'outside of romance'. It resonates with my aromanticism
@sunflower_avenue I don't understand romance either, I just like it? like, i think romance is this thing you can't describe, you just "feel it" and you're romantic (me) or you don't "feel it" and you're aromantic (you)
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