Hello I'm back and I'm increasingly radicalized

Heavy stuff, the planet 

I've been to visit my mum and dad today (72, 78). Kept our distance in the garden

I've been stressing recently that we're on course for the collapse of civilization within the next 40 years. I've been grieving, in so many complex ways, for the planet, for the future

I told mum. Part of me wanted her to lovingly shush me, tell me it will all be alright. I'm 39 but my mum is still my mum

She just looked ashen. 'I know', she said. 'I know'

'I worry,' I said, 'that this is the first and mildest dislocation from The world before. It's just going to get worse. I think the 21st century is going to be very grim, even if the species survives'

'I think you're right'

Dad kept trying to change the subject. He grew up in a world without plastic or mass car ownership, air travel; he was teaching global warming back in the 70s. No one listened. I don't think he can bear the trauma

'But what can you DO?' said mum. 'What can any of us actually DO?'

Heavy stuff, the planet 

Dad has a habit of saying he never thought the human race had a long term future. I have a bad habit of saying it's not long term, it's my future, the future of their grandchildren

'I'm going to live through this'

Mum said, 'I know we won't see it but...'

But. She didn't want to start comparing, didn't want to say something that sounds foolish or dismissive.

She's the kindest person I know. Obviously I say that, she's my mum. But, really, she is.

I'm so worried this pandemic will mean I never see them again


'I know we won't see it, but...

'When I think of you and your brothers... I'm your mother, when you have children... You're so much more to me than this adult here, I knew you all from...', she rocks her arms to her chest, rocking our vanished infancy in a lullaby; 'you're immense to me, the vastness of all of you, your whole lives... And even more so for the grandchildren...

...and the thought you might be headed for...'


She trails off

Heavy stuff, the planet 

One teaching of Zen is that's it's foolish to fear the future, because it's unknown, and our fears are so hopelessly tangled up with our beliefs about the world rather than the world itself. We've no hope of knowing the future if we can't even know the present.

Another is that you need to face reality as it is, not how you want or fear it to be

And that's all good, brisk, Zen advice


Heavy stuff, the planet 

But you know what?


My mum asks, I ask, 'what can we DO'

We can do BETTER

We can believe in a future that's worth fighting for, and fight for it

FUCK this destructive, delusional, global suicide cult. We can choose to fucking THRIVE. They love our apathy. FUCK apathy. FUCK despair.

We can do better.

We can do AMAZING.

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Sunbeam City 馃尰

Sunbeam City is a anticapitalist, antifascist solarpunk instance that is run collectively.