I'm learning that there are many times when I force myself to be verbal where I feel/would have felt much better and in control if I had let myself "turn off" speaking. Is that still considered nonverbalness when I can force myself to make stuff from noises to sentences?

There's a range of what I can make myself do and some stuff is off limits depending on the situation, but sometimes I can force myself to access a full range of verbal use. But, I feel immediate intense relief and regain my grounding if I remove the obligation to be verbal.

I'm just hoping I'm not a fluke.