Adriana @Adriana@sunbeam.city

"Best of all they loved the fall
the leaves yellow on cottonwoods

leaves floating on trout streams
and above the hills
the high blue windless skies

…Now they will be a part of them forever"

It's real: read Hemingway and cry hours, who up?

Pretty tired so let's see how this goes:

For some background: I'm currently in university for a degree in envi-sci. I ain't an expert, but I've been around enough to know some-at least basic-shit.

So, the reason nihilism-and environmental nihilism specifically -pisses me off so much is how utterly useless it is. Full stop, it is useless in our fight.

If I don't have hope then why the hell am I fighting in the first place? ("I can't be a pessimist because I'm alive")

I wonder what kind of beautiful flower it will be.

Will it really be on a mountain? There aren't many of those around here...

Will there be people to pass by to say how beautiful the flower is?

Will it only be for the flower's sake beauty is found, or will the stories worms dig out of me be tasty enough?

Is hope of a beautiful flower the right hope as we today and tomorrow are faced?

Song of the night (and my favorite Lil Peep song): https://youtu.be/qwzQPh7dW_4

Ngl I hate how spot on some of these lyrics are, but I guess I'm just an angsty tranny looking for meaning in an Uzumaki-esque fashion.

Me: I wonder why I like moth-to-flame metaphors so much?

Me: Listens to "Between the Bars", reads old journals, examines every interaction in my head over and over.

...no fucking shit aye? 🔥 🦋 🔥

I do not go on in this world because I think it is good. If that's the metric I used to keep going I simply wouldn't be here.

It's a relentless, frustrating hope that things could maybe be better for someone down the line. Perhaps not even me, but the next that comes up like I did, could have more times worth living.

Recalling the line from Se7en: "'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for'.... I agree with the second part."

I personally see very little of the "fine place" part, but I know some exists. I don't find it pessimistic to only believe the latter part, because to me fighting for

Something you already find as good is redudant and without hope. You are only hopeful, in this sense, when you fight for something that is wretched

But you know is still worth the fight.

A lone lancer gave in to doubt during the decisive battle

A ruthless android thought of a loved one in a lush forest